White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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