I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
