oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
3pm strippers are depressing
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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