I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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