It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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