i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
