Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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