He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
