my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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