eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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