I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
