You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
