Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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