I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How does one acquire holy water?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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