The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I smell like Dick and happiness
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
