I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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