I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
