if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
