I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
