Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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