If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
