I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
