Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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