I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dick very happy bro
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
