Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
