A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
