god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
