I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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