I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
