Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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