i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
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Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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