Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
