You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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