Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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