Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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