I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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