there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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