pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i'm inner monologue high
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
