I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
