I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
