chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My ass is underappreciated
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
