dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
