you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
