Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
