its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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