I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
