Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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