Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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