i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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