a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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