But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
