i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
