Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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