Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
