So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They took my balls.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
