i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
