Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
