did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
