You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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