Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Maybe he injected his testicle?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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