Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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