I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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