i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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