have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
