I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
