the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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