How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
