everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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