bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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